She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
