can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I enjoy the company of your penis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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