gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
