What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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