Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
