you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
