Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
