so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm bleeding and have questions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
