I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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