david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
