tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
