I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
