You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
