Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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