How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
