hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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