My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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