chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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