Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
