There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
