Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
