I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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