i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
