Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Houston, we have a blender
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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