There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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