But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
