I'm really into asian looking animals
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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