Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
