We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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