he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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