***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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