he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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