you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
