I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
