New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
