everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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