True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
