What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
