Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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