I cannot find my penis.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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