I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
