I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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