I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
