I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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