K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
