I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
