you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
