It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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