dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Girls should come with a carfax report
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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