forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Thank you for not boning my boss.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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