oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All the doctor said was why
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Please don't give away my fajitas
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
